home     news     bio     gallery     interesting     links     Go back to bio section. Feeling Invisible (cont.) If you read my little editorial about not being white, then you know why I am stressing this so much.  Feeling invisible is frustrating when it comes to our own personal identities and our identities in a larger community, but also becoming the target of both love and hate by people outside of our community is frustrating too. Yes, it is both love and hate: the key is whether or not these two things are feelings that we are asking for or if they are trusted upon us. Hate - We sometimes are called racist when we want to date within our own race. We sometimes are called uneducated or stupid if we can't speak perfect English and without an accent. We sometimes are called ignorant foreigners if we ask to have products or services in our own language. We are made to feel invisible, because there are people who just don't want to deal with us. Love - We receive love from people outside of our community, because they find us to be exotic. We remain the object of people's affection, because they equate us and our culture by what they see on TV and read in books. They tell us that we should be loved and admired, because it is our beauty that makes us so attractive. We are seen by other people to be beautiful on such a superficial level, when we would otherwise be invisible without those outward qualities. If we look at it from that perspective, can you see why love and hate seems not very different from each other? We are invisible through people's view of how they choose to look at us. Can we not do the same, can we not choose how to define ourselves? Ultimately, can we choose to make ourselves visible again? I stated this action as an alternative to complacency, because it takes more than just a simple desire. It requires a recognition of ourselves as Asians and Pacific Islander and knowing the things that make us either invisible when we are not wanted or visible when we are desired. If you disagree with what I am saying, then I can't blame you for hesitating to accept my ideas. This is an internal argument for myself, but it might be something that you may have thought about in your mind. In this society, we are trained and conditioned to never create conflict if there is no reason to do so. Did you ever think that maybe that conflict has been made invisible to you too? Until we are willing to ask those questions, then how can we expect people to give us clear answers? To answer that lingering question in your mind, why am I make such strong comments about white people? Of course, many white people may not purposely be making us feel invisible. I must take some personal responsibility in saying that I sometimes make myself feel that way. However, white people and the pervasiveness of their culture (directly or) directly makes us step behind them. Remember, it's not just when they hate us, it's also when they love us. If I am invisible, you will not see me when I feel bad or good. You can choose to see me, but will you know when to do so? Do you have to open your eyes when I am feeling bad to finally acknowledge me and my feelings? No, I must take my own step to tell you exactly how I feel...I want you to see who I am and how I feel. I choose not to be invisible; you choose to see me as who I am. So where do we go from there? 1 | 2 | 3 Go back to bio section.

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